#33 is what I called my “Jesus” year, meaning it was my year to rise up, you know be resurrected in a sense. BUT NOBODY TOLD ME I was going to have to die to self and ego. No one said that I’d be broken down to the depth of my soul and experience moments of pain and despair that would make you cringe. No one explained the true meaning of self love and boundaries and worthiness and how important they were to understanding the real you. No one explained the lifelong relationships that would be compromised and lost. No one thought to share that your spiritual awakening meant questioning everything you were taught growing up and reprogramming the lies told to you since birth. Nor did they explain the loneliness that one may have to experience to know God in a different kinda way.
No one said that God is bigger than the box we place Him in with religious BS and hypocrisy. No one could explain to me why I don’t agree with certain things in the Bible and why I grew up fearing God (the kinda fear that crippled me) instead of letting His love in fully. No one explained that the anointing costs. No one said that you’re really poor until you acquire land or assets. No one said that when you write the vision for your life on paper the energy is stirred up and provisions are made (those that feel good and those that hurt) for that vision to come to pass.
No one told me that my soul asked to be here and that I have more power inside me than I’ve chosen to utilize. No one told me that your friends would become more like family than some of your closest blood bonds. No one mentioned that prayer is different from meditation and quieting the mind is imperative to success…not just hard work. No one explained that the schizophrenic thoughts were possibly linked to the diet and that if you cleaned up your intake, your thoughts would be clearer. No one sat me down and explained that God is the Source and remains constant in the universe’s vortex and that I’m the one that has to align with Him and find a point of entry through my thoughts of positivity and expectation—and only then will blessing flow freely.
No one said, “Danita! If you change your perspective, you’d change your life.” No one said that if you really wanna heal, you gotta let shit go. And lastly no one told me that tears would burn down your face as you pleaded to God for answers and healing…only to find out the answer lived within me the entire time. #33 was a sacrifice beyond measure that I didn’t expect but it was necessary. Never again will I make claims or set expectations on people, places and things that lead to resentment (as my mother would say). Never again will I I expect someone to tell me something they most likely didn’t know themselves (as my cousin Kristy would say). What I will do, however, is #dare2gobare in my personal and professional journey letting things go and living as a spiritual being not a doer of works—watch how God restores.